Dear Dave,
I hate the house we live in – the floor plan, age, the location – everything. When we bought the house, my husband – Mr. Economics Degree – made all the decisions and I felt like my opinions didn’t matter. I really want to move, but I can’t convince him. I know we can afford to move, because we have about $200,000 in savings besides our retirement fund. We owe abut $100,000 on the house we’re in, and could get it for $180,000. What can I do?
Kim
Dear Kim,
If you really hate the house you’re in that much, I’d suggest going on a fact-finding tour and present him with solid reasons for a house you like and why it’s a good idea to move. This way, you’re giving him a concrete example, not just a concept.
I’m sensing, too, from the tone in your letter, that there’s a lot more going on with this relationship than just the issue of where you live. It sounds like you’re getting tired of having things like this dictated to you and feeling that you’re somebody’s maid. Moving to a new house isn’t going to change that. You’re going to have to change your HOME or the house will not make you happy.
Try sitting down with your husband and explaining how it makes you feel when he treats you this way. You two might even think about talking to a good pastor or marriage counselor, a situation where your input is just as meaningful as his and not discounted.
When you guys were married you weren’t pronounced boss and employee. You became husband and wife – as one. And that’s how these kinds of decisions should be made, not BY one, but together AS one.
– Dave
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