Church Bulletin Bloopers

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BAPTISM
Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer.
This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

BIBLE STUDY CLASSES/SUNDAY SCHOOL
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

BIRTHS:
Congratulations to Tim and Rhonda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17.
The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Allen Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

CHILDREN/YOUTH:
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

COMMITTEES:
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
The peacemaking committee meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

DEATH
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
Don’t let worry kill you off—Let the church help.
Thank you dead friends.
Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess

DONATIONS/COLLECTIONS:
If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket.
On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet, come forward and get a piece of paper.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

HOLIDAYS:
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg at the alter.
Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.
Fifth Sinday is Lent.

HOSPITAL/SHUT IN:
Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
Remember persons who are shut-in during bath weather.

MEALS/SOCIALS:
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers’. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.
Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club.
Women’s Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication.
As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
A bean supper will be held on Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.
Tuesday, at 4 p.m., there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, come early.
Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas.
Volunteers are needed to spit up food.
If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

MEETINGS/CONFERENCES:
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference. “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals”.
The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church board.
Thursday, at 5 p.m., there will be a meeting at the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be Little Mothers please meet with the pastor in his study.
This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Wednesday the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mr. Johnson will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed”, accompanied by the pastor.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

MISSIONS:
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa was speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Announcement: “ Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.”

MUSIC/CHOIR:
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
The ‘Over 60s Choir’ will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Hymn: “I Love Thee My Ford”
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a terrible experience”.
Today the pastor will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing “Break Forth into Joy”
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Karen’s beautiful solo: “It is Well with my Solo”
Sermon topic: Let Loose Our Town’s Liquer in the Lake. Closing Hymn: “Shall We Gather at the River?”
The service will close with “Little Drops of Water”. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Tonight’s sermon: What is Hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Wednesday the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mr. Johnson will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed,” accompanied by the pastor.
A bean supper will be held on Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.

RUMMAGE SALES:
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

PRAYER:
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference. “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals”.

RETREATS:
The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary’s Cathedral

SCRIPTURE
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.
For the word of God is quick and powerful…piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit.
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.

SERMONS:
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
Sermon Outline:
I. Delineate your fear
II. Disown your fear
III. Displace your rear
Tonight’s sermon: What is Hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice.
The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”

VOLUNTEERS:
Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.
We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector.
Volunteers are needed to spit up food.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 volunteers to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

WEDDINGS:
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.

GENERAL:
If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.
Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

If you have a funny, clean church-related story or joke, please email it to us at Church Chatter.

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