Out of Passion or Just Passionate about being Comfortable?




Feeling frustrated about the lack of romance between my husband and myself I began praying for God to
miraculously heal my husband’s passion impairment. I asked God to help Randy discern between candlelight
and TV light as well as ambiance and stating the obvious. I opened my Bible to Song of Solomon and the
beautiful words flowed right off the page bringing a bit of sorrow to my heart, setting there in my fat clothes
with uncombed hair and holey tube socks. I considered the scene and remembered the sweet nothings that used
to be spoken years before. The next day when my husband was at work I got to work. Hair, nails the whole
bit. As I was highlighting my hair I thawed two sirloins. Before ironing my slacks I covered my face with mud
and my legs with hair remover cream. That afternoon I quickly ushered the kids to the neighbors for a sleepover
followed by a swift vacuum of the house. I set an elegant table for two with emerald green candles and fresh
picked flowers. I put the stakes on broil and hopped into a nice steamy shower, ’tis the start of a surprise
romantic evening of bliss. “BEEP” I leaped out of the shower in the middle of conditioning with mud still on my
face. The steaks that were now charred set off the smoke detector and in my rush to the kitchen I knocked over
the candles, which engulfed the floral bouquet, and in he walks. “SURPRISE!” I squeaked. We soon had the
situation under control so I finished my shower. I emerged in flannel PJ’S with dripping wet hair. He returns
with two #1 value meals that were super sized. We cozily sit in front of the TV with our favorite comedy that
he picked up from the video store. With the laughter that evening I realize that we were Solomon and his lovely
bride 12 years and 2 children later with our “passions” redirected towards being comfortable.
With busy schedules, dual incomes and kids I had to redefine romance in my marriage. I took some steps to
change how my husband and I spent quality time together.
Feeling like there was something wrong in my marriage because the romance I used to have was gone, I asked the
Lord to help me find out what did work in our life. I started to pay attention to how we did express love for one
another. My husband is a computer technician and he always made sure my desktop, laptop and palm always
have the latest version of software and keeps them working. He will also watch the kids so I can write and most
importantly he records my favorite show on Wednesday nights so I can go to aerobics. I always make sure he
never runs out of his favorite shampoo and toothpaste. I enjoy cooking his favorite foods. Most importantly I
know when he is stressed at work and I give him a back rub or just listen to him tell me about his day.
With this new out look on romance that the Lord helped me to redefine, I began to make a point of doing a little
extra romance toward my husband and in return his response was to do a little more romance towards me. It
went beyond his washing the car and my ironing his shirts to things that really were special and were constantly
reminding one another of our love.
Here are 10 easy ideas to add a little romance in busy marriage:
Romantic coupons. Make a booklet with coupons for your spouse to redeem as they wish. It can be filled with
things like back rubs, drawing a bath or a night out alone. This is the gift that keeps on giving and is nice if you
present it on a non-special-occasion.
Romantic get-a-way. Plan an evening out to surprise your spouse. First make your reservations for a night
when you are both free. Reserve a luxurious car, a romantic restaurant and don’t forget a nice hotel. Have the
kids stay-over elsewhere then pick up you spouse from work or home in the car you rented and don’t tell them
your plans. Have a bag packed with personal items for both of you so you won’t need to worry about anything.
This romantic evening won’t be soon forgotten.
Romantic jar. Take a post-it pad and divide it in half so you each have a set. Now, both of you write down
something on each piece that you would like to do together and fold them in half. Place all of the ideas in a jar
and shake them up. Take turns on who gets to draw a paper and then do whatever it says, together. You can
plan to do it weekly or monthly or as the mood fits, this way both of you get to share in the fun.
Romantic gift basket. Get a large basket and fill it with romantic items that you both can enjoy. Some ideas
could be bath salts, chocolate roses, and small packages of coffee with 2 cups. There could be tickets for a night
out or a video for and afternoon in. Write a poem or sign a card that tells them how you feel. You can even have
sexy lingerie and silk boxers. Wrap it all in decretive, plastic film and tie a bright, big bow in the handle. They
will be surprised see it on the table first thing in the morning or after a long day of work.
Electronic love letter. There are many sights on the Internet that have free ecards, just search under “free
ecards.” Write something that would make your spouse laugh or cry or just use a pre-made one. Send it to their
personal email at work or home. They would love the gesture and know you are thinking of them during the
day. This can also be done with voicemail.
Candlelight kisses. By candle or firelight just start kissing, nothing more, just kissing. Try new ways of
kissing and even speaking softly in each other’s ears. Pretend you’re teenagers who don’t want to be caught doing
anything else. You can hold each other close and snuggle real tight. Forget about work and the kids and anything else that have separated you both during the week, just kiss.
Thoughtful lunch. Prepare a special lunch for your spouse to take to work or at home. You can make heart
shaped sandwiches with a cookie cutter and strawberries with yogurt dip. Pack their favorite desert and don’t forget a special note or card at bottom of the bag. You can even have their favorite lunch delivered with a love note. This will make them feel real special when you are unable to eat with them.
Recreate a special night. It could be your first date, the night you proposed or whatever. Go to the same
place for dinner; walk down the same path, visit the same places you did that night. If you live in a different
location try and find a places that are similar. If you presented a gift during this evening than present a gift
during this night as well. If it was a certain movie that you went, find it on video and cook the same meal you
shared that special night. This nostalgia will remind you of why you fell in love in the first.
Romance calendar. Sit down together and plan the entire moth in advance with romantic ideas. Things like a
scenic walk, dinner out and ride in the car down a romantic stretch of highway. Put in things that you both enjoy including a talk night. This way you can’t say you never have any time together. If you can agree to have the
entire month filled with special activities, your relationship will be fuller. Make sure you keep the schedule so there are no hurt feelings.
Rekindle the courtship. What were things you
enjoyed doing together when you were dating? Was
it bike ridding, movie night, bowling? Start doing
those things again with the kids or with other
Christian couples. Make sure you act like you did
when you were courting like letting him open the
door and letting her say thank you. This will bring
back to your relationships fun things that made you
look forward to spending time together.
More ideas can be found at: http://www.lovingyou.com/
When I set off to define romance I started with Webster’s dictionary and found one definition was, “Something that lacks basis in fact.”
This reminded me that the romance in novels and movies were not based on fact. Keeping romance in a marriage after years of relaxing
with one another can be hard. With a little imagination and effort it can be done. Most importantly if our children see that we are still
in love, we can, “train the younger women to love their husbands,” Titus 2:4 (NIV). They will learn from us how to have a good

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