While driving faster than the speed limit on the highway
may get to your destination faster, is it worth the risk?
Rushing through dating can be just as risky to your
While some people believe that marriage is the only way to
decide if a relationship is the right one, the creating a
love map while dating is a safer way to be prepared for the
inevitable potholes and detours on the road of life. If you
have decided to steer the course with the wrong partner and
without a detailed love map, you may be destined for the
nearest exit ramp no matter where it might take you. The
best way to avoid these kinds of problems is to create a
solid love map during the dating process.
Taking the time to form a meaningful love map early on in
the relationship, while dating, is like buying an insurance
policy on your mutual compatibility. While a love map needs
to be updated periodically as the relationship progresses
through dating and eventual marriage, the plan needs to be
strong enough from the beginning to withstand the changes
that life brings to everyone. With a proper love map
already in place, the relationship is bolstered by the good
times that occur while also exhibiting a resolve to work
together during the inevitable downturns of life.
Mother Nature has given us some innate abilities to start a
love plan with someone to whom we are attracted. While at
first the attraction may be purely at a chemical level,
formatting a love plan may be easier than you expect. First
set aside your fairy tale ideas of what a relationship
should be and your movie actor’s view of your perfect mate.
Instead focus on getting to know this person as they really
are and allowing your true self to show. Then your love
map is based upon reality and not some fantasy.
Many people in the dating scene acknowledge the importance
of getting to know what makes their mate click and
expressing to their mate what makes them tick. However,
unless each participant transfers this information from the
heart and lets the brain know its value, these memories and
messages may get lost or lose their value come the triumphs
and trials in their journey. If you establish a comfortable
pace while dating that allows you the opportunity to absorb
a wide spectrum of information about each other, you are
better able to keep your relationship alive, vibrant and
meaningful. Then, should you decide to either continue the
journey together or hit the brakes, you can make wiser
decisions about whatever direction you choose.
There is no one formula for creating a love map. A love
map depends upon two people and their level of intimacy.
But do know that it may be the small details as well as the
major ones that keep a love map strong and vibrant.
A good book for exploring love maps is John Gottman’s book
“The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work.”
To help you form a deep and lasting love map, take the time to
consult the United States Army’s Office of the Chief of
Chaplains web site. There you will find “The Love Map 20
Question Game.” You may find it interesting to answer the
questionnaires or the sample true and false quizzes to
assess the state of your dating love map.
Copyright 2005 Dane di Fino. All rights reserved. Dane di Fino is the webmaster and operator of FIUDating which is
a principal resource of dating information on the internet.
Be sure to visit his complete archive of articles.
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