The Marriage

Okay men, I’ve got a little tip for those of you headed for the altar soon, and for those of you who are already married, this will be helpful, so pay attention. This is a two-fold tip so you are getting two for the price of one, what a bargain.
The first part is that: WORDS MATTER, of course only those that come out of OUR
mouths, remember, you must decipher of her words!! Now, the second part: BE
AWARE OF WORDING, you will be bound to whatever you verbally agree to! And it
all begins on the wedding day when the pastor says, “We have gathered here today
to join in marriage, these two people,…..”
Everything seems normal up to that point…then the most unsuspecting powerful word gets slipped in…seemingly
innocent…” to witness the “UNION” of this couple… so big, witnesses are needed!!
But there it is, crystal-clear, for all to hear…”UNION” ….and we say “yes.”
Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with a Union, let me refresh your memory. It is an
organization formed for the purpose of advancing it’s members interest, in
respect to wages, benefits and working conditions. Or, I feel this abbreviation
more adequately describes it: ” AFL-CIO”
A .. F emale….L ed …..C onspiracy…of…I mmeassurable…..O pportunity.
With that said, I can begin to elaborate on this Union’s “membership”. Well, to be a
member of anything usually entails paying “DUES”, but in this case I am not
talking (spell) D..U..E..S., but “DO’S”, (spell) D..O.’.S.
“Honey, you need to DO this before you can DO that.”
“And you must DO that before you even consider DOing this!”
“DO your part, DO your share, Do the trash, Do the yardwork.etc..etc….”
These, along with many more,compile the “DO’ S”. If done promptly, it will advance
your interest, which this week happens to be the game Monday night! So, if I pay
my “DO ‘S”, I get to “DO ‘S” what I want.
Next, is a very important part of this Union.. “SOLIDARITY”. Webster describes it
like this: Complete unity, as of purpose and feeling. As men we understand unity of
purpose, but unity of feeling is whole different ball game! So listen close, I am going
to give you a couple of buzz words that usually proceed the proclamation of your
“solidarity” of feelings. .
If you are having dinner with one or more couples, the chances of this happening is very high. So, be prepared when you hear the words “we feel” come out of your wife’s mouth. Pay absolute and complete attention,because the words that follow will be the description of feeling and emotions that you never knew you had, and in a moment you will have to OWN them or at least give an acceptable, heartfelt, contorted facial expression to show your complete solidarity! About 90% of the time, the facial expression will be enough, you won’t be asked for further input. But, on the rare occasion, when you are asked to participate, here is what you do…..Keep the contorted facial expression, it helps in selling the emotional response, ….nod in agreement as you say,” Yes, that is what WE FEEL/” Quickly excuse yourself to the bathroom and stay away from the table until the subject is clearly over……pay a waiter or waitress to pass the table and eavesdrop if necessary …when done with conviction and great acting, it works every time.
Now, onto wages, working conditions and benefits. At this point in our marriage,
the wages are non-negotiable…..all because of something that happened a few
years ago. The incident can be summed up in two words……”Birthing…. Coach”! Any
time you hear the word “Coach”, one would assume it to imply knowledge,
experience or competency in the area in which you are coaching. I never
contemplated the weight of that word, until it was too late. Needless to say,
there were witnesses again, and I lost.
Working Conditions……I have got this one down to a science! When the topic of
work comes up,…I grab the remote, turn the tv off, put my doughnuts down, brush
off the crumbs, pat my gut..and firmly state that I am in no condition to work. A
lengthy ‘Grievance Procedure’ follows, but I usually end up getting a cool new toy to
do the job for me, like a two-stage air compressor, with a 100 gallon tank and a
5-horse motor……..”Let the ‘AIR’ do all the work!” Cause the kind of ‘air’ I put out
isn’t going to get any work done and it certainly isn’t conducive to pleasant
working conditions…or at least that was the line I used to sell my wife, to get this
toy! After all is said and done, I am in a better mental Condition to Work and my
Working Conditions have improved immensely…it’s a win….win situation.
With all joking aside now, lets talk about the Benefits of this Godly Union,
Proverbs 31:30 says this:
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
That is the biggest Benefit of my Union Membership!! Also, another Benefit is Ecclesiastes 4:12
“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken”
God is the steel strand that keep my Union together, we might go on strike now
and then, but we always end up at the bargaining table, which is the foot of God’s
Throne……He is the Mediator in all of our disputes.
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