Passover Parodies

1. A Passover Song
[Sung to the tune of “These are a few of my favorite things”]
Cleaning and cooking and so many dishes
Out with the hametz, no pasta, no knishes
Fish that’s gefillted, horseradish that stings
These are a few of our Passover things.
Matzoh and karpas and chopped up haroset
Shankbones and Kiddish and Yiddish neuroses
Tante who kvetches and uncle who sings
These are a few of our Passover things.
Motzi and maror and trouble with Pharoahs
Famines and locusts and slaves with wheelbarrows
Matzoh balls floating and eggshell that cling
These are a few of our Passover things.
When the plagues strike
When the lice bite
When we’re feeling sad
We simply remember our Passover things
And then we don’t feel so bad.
2. There’s No Seder Like our Seder
(sung to the tune of “There’s no Business like Show business”)
There’s no seder like our seder,
There’s no seder I know.
Everything about it is Halachic
nothing that the Torah won’t allow.
Listen how we read the whole Haggadah
It’s all in Hebrew
‘Cause we know how.
There’s no Seder like our seder,
We tell a tale that is swell:
Moses took the people out into the heat
They baked the matzoh
While on their feet
Now isn’t that a story
That just can’t be beat?
Let’s go on with the show!
3. Take Us Out of Egypt
(sung to the tune of “Take me out to the ball game”)
Take us out of Egypt
Free us from slavery
Bake us some matzoh in a haste
Don’t worry ’bout flavor–
Give no thought to taste.
Oh it’s rush, rush, rush, to the Red Sea
If we don’t cross it’s a shame.
For it’s ten plagues,
Down and you’re out
At the Pesach history game.
4. Take Me Out To The Seder
(To the tune of , of course, “Take Me Out to the Ballgame!”)
Take me out to the Seder
Take me out with the crowd.
Feed me on matzah and chicken legs,
I don’t care for the hard-boiled eggs.
And its root, root, root for Elijah
That he will soon reappear.
And let’s hope, hope, hope that we’ll meet
Once again next year!
Take me out to the Seder
Take me out with the crowd.
Read the Haggadah
And don’t skip a word.
Please hold your talking,
We want to be heard.
And lets, root, root, root for the leader
That he will finish his spiel
So we can nosh, nosh, nosh and by-gosh
Let’s eat the meal!!!
5. Elijah
(to the tune of “Maria”)
I just saw the prophet Elijah.
And suddenly that name
Will never sound the same to me.
He came to our seder
He had his cup of wine,
But could not stay to dine
This year–
For your message all Jews are waiting:
That the time’s come for peace
and not hating–
Next year we’ll be waiting.
6. Just a Tad of Charoset
(to the tune of “Just a spoon full of sugar”)
Just a tad of charoset helps the bitter herbs go down,
The bitter herbs go down, the bitter herbs go down.
Just a tad of charoset helps the bitter herbs go down,
In the most disguising way.
Oh, back in Egypt long ago,
The Jews were slaves under Pharoah.
They sweat and toiled and labored
through the day.
So when we gather Pesach night,
We do what we think right.
Maror, we chew,
To feel what they went through.
So after years of slavery
They saw no chance of being free.
Their suffering was the only life they knew.
But baby Moses grew up tall,
And said he’d save them all.
He did, and yet,
We swear we won’t forget.
While the maror is being passed,
We all refill our water glass,
Preparing for the taste that turns us red.
Although maror seems full of minuses,
It sure does clear our sinuses.
But what’s to do?
It’s hard to be a Jew!!!
7. The Ballad of the Four Sons
(to the tune of “Clementine”)
Said the father to his children, “At the seder you will dine,
You will eat your fill of matzoh, you will drink four cups of wine.”
Now this father had no daughters, but his sons they numbered four.
One was wise and one was wicked, one was simple and a bore.
And the fourth was sweet and winsome, he was young and he was small.
While his brothers asked the questions he could scarcely speak at all.
Said the wise one to his father, “Would you please explain the laws?
Of the customs of the seder, will you please explain the cause?”
And the father proudly answered, “As our fathers ate in speed,
Ate the paschal lamb ‘ere midnight, and from slavery were freed.”
So we follow their example, and ‘ere midnight must complete
All the seder and we should not, after 12 remain to eat.
Then did sneer the son so wicked, “What does all this mean to you?”
And the father’s voice was bitter, as his grief and anger grew.
“If you yourself don’t consider, a son of Israel,
Then for you this has no meaning, you could be a slave as well.”
Then the simple son said simply, “What is this,” and quietly
The good father told his offspring, “We were freed from slavery.”
But the youngest son was silent, for he could not ask at all.
His bright eyes were bright with wonder as his father told him all.
My dear children, heed the lesson and remember ever more
What the father told his children told his sons that numbered four.
8. The Ballad of Mo Amramson
(to “The Ballad of Jed Clampett”)
Come and listen to a story ’bout a man named Mo,
His people they were slaves to the evil Pharoah,
Until one day he was lookin’ at a bush,
And he heard the voice of God, though he wasn’t a lush—
The LORD, that is,
The Big G.
Next thing you know, Mo’s talkin’ to Pharoah,
Mo says, “God said you gotta let my people go!”
But the king says, “No, they always will be slaves to me!”
So God sent down ten big plagues on Pharoah’s whole country—
Blood ‘n frogs, that is,
Special effects.
When the first borns died, Pharoah sent the Jews away,
They ran and ate some matzoh on that very happy day,
So now we have our Seder to commemorate that feat—
We drink some wine and talk a lot, we sing and also eat!
Matzoh, that is,
Maror too.
And good food.
Y’all come back now, y’hear!


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