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Married in college to an immature young man who soon began to display an ugly temper with violent outbursts and an inclination not to work, I went through the trauma of a long-term separation that ultimately ended in divorce. Friends and family turned away, as we were the first couple to separate in our circle of friends. Deserted and left with the bank account cleared out by my departing spouse and a landlord ready to evict, I found myself with few options and no place to live.
I learned to work hard to pay off the many creditors I had inherited from my spendthrift ex, and I soon began to win sales awards at work. However, as rewarding as my career was financially and professionally, it did nothing to heal all the broken places inside. I felt terribly lonely, unwanted, abandoned and unlovable.
One day while returning from a business trip to Martin College in Pulaski, Tennessee, I was driving on a winding country highway with a steep drop off to my right. Driving too fast and too carelessly, my purse fell to the floorboard. I leaned down to pick it up and looked up a second or two later to see the drop off just past the guardrail in front of me. “So this is how it ends,” I thought to myself dispassionately and with a little relief as I anticipated my life’s end.
I have no memory of turning the wheel. In fact, I thought I was already going over the edge when I looked up, but suddenly I found myself on the other side of the road, embedded in a muddy ditch, facing the opposite direction. In anger I climbed out of the car, raised my fist to the sky and yelled out, “Why don’t you leave me alone?” I had been ready to die and found the unexpected deliverance unwelcome. An unusual calm enveloped me – I had not experienced calm in a long time. A voice distinctly said, “Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.”
I experienced first-hand the undeniable truth – there is a God who knows and loves us, and He will not abandon us or leave us alone and unloved. Even during those times I might want to be left alone, God does not turn away from me. In Psalm 139: 1-13 God reminds us, “Before you were formed in the womb…I knew you” and He goes on to say we cannot run far enough or hide well enough to escape His love. There is no time when we are unloved, unnoticed, or abandoned by God. In that I find hope every “single” day!
I wish I could say that since that day I have walked in constant glorious victory. I did experience a deep and lengthy spiritual awakening after that day, but as years passed, that victorious walk has often turned into a laborious crawl. Yet, I have never, ever been able to lose sight of the fact that I am not alone.
If you find yourself feeling desperately alone, unloved, even unlovable, let the words of Matthew 28:20 remind you that Jesus Christ said He would always be with you. There is a God who knows and loves you, so much that He sent His Son to die for you. This is good news indeed. However, sometimes the news we need to be reminded of is that we are never alone. God loves us enough to send His Son…to die for us…and to remain with us, even unto the end of the world.
The rest of the story: A tow truck operated by a local mechanic was summoned to haul my car out of the ditch where it landed. After he was through examining it, the mechanic scratched his head and told me it was one of the strangest things he had ever seen. “That car landed with enough impact that mud was driven up behind the hubcaps, yet there were no tracks in the mud or the bank where the car went off,” he told me. “It looks like that car was just dropped out of the air into the mud.”
Kathryn Darden is editor and publisher of ChristianActivities.com.
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