Signs Your Church Has Sold Out to Corporate Sponsors



Signs Your Church Has Sold Out to Corporate Sponsors
– Nike “swoosh” on the cross
– Communion now sponsored by Welch’s Grape Juice
– Taco Bell’s talking dog now reading announcements
– In Christmas play, Joseph seen with a pack of Luckies
– Greeters all dressed like Mr. Goodwrench
– Personal pew licenses now sold
– Baptismals include dolphin show from Sea World
– Statue of Mary seen holding keys to a Jeep
– Holy water spiked with Diet Pepsi
– The 12 disciples replaced by Disney characters
– Luxury pews with wet bar and satellite TV
– Scripture verses brought to you by Windows ’98
– Pastor doing subliminal product messages during sermon
– Bulletin has coupon section
– Choir members wear Dockers
– There is a twist of lemon in the holy water
– In the restrooms, an attendant hands you a towel
– There is a credit card swiper on the collection plate
– Offering envelopes bearing Visa or Mastercard emblems on them
– Handicap parking sponsored by the Family Medical Group, LLC
– Wednesday night suppers sponsored by KFC
– Sunday morning televised services sponsored by the FOX network
– Church vans traded in for Ford Broncos
– Church bell chimes to the tune of the NBC chimes
– Choir robes with the Lands’ End emblem on front
– Sunday bulletins with the CNN logo
– Free Perrier at all baptism
– Church flag football team sponsored by the XFL


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