Peter Furler, front man for Christian rock band Newsboys, admits that being a nice guy doesn’t necessarily make him a good husband.
“Sometimes we can try and do things to keep the peace, we can try and do things to gain favor, we can even try to do things just to please people,” Furler says. “That way ends in divorce, ends in heartbreak, ends in anger, ends in betrayal and disappointment – and that was the road I was on heavily for at least 8 years in the marriage.”
But Furler has learned some principles that he says “not only restored my marriage but helped it to bloom and flourish.” One is to seek first the Kingdom of God.
“There’s a lot of Christians out there getting divorced because they think ‘We deserve to be happy’. What a lot of rubbish,” Furler insists. “You don’t deserve happiness in this world. The Bible doesn’t say we deserve it. It says seek first the Kingdom of God and you will find joy, and peace and happiness.”
Another verse that transformed his marriage was Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church.” Furler says he kind of knew what the verse was saying, didn’t completely understand that concept until he did an in-depth study of the whole book of Ephesians, which revealed to him the principle of loving one another out of reverence for Christ.
Now, he says, “everything I do for my wife is not to make her happy. I should do [everything] as unto the Lord, and that is pleasing to the Lord. Then that makes her happy.”
Furler says that understanding what is valuable in life – marriage, relationships, and making disciples, not fame or money – is essential for a healthy marriage. It also helped him to realize that his wife, Summer, is a partner in everything he does; the couple even travels together on their own tour bus when the band is on the road.
“Everybody can go out into the world and leave their wives home,” he says, “but I think there’s a tougher standard, and that is to go out with your wife and be partners, and make her feel like she’s exactly part of what you do.”
He adds, “To me, a man’s much more powerful when he’s with his wife.”
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