God’s Diet Plan

God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach
and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would
live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99-cent
double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?”
And Man said, “Super size them.” And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure
that man found so fair. And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth
chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the
yogurt. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, “Try my crispy fresh salad.” And Satan brought forth
creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese. And there was ice
cream for dessert. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, “I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil
with which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak!
from Cracker Barrel so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those
extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so
Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.
And Man gained pounds. And God said, “You’re running up the score,
Devil.”
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and
sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he
created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate
the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, “It is
good.”
And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed, and created quadruple
bypass surgery, angioplasties, and stints . . .
And Satan created HMO’s…

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