I talk to wives after every seminar who struggle with their husbands over
the issue of watching offensive and immoral videos and television programs.
I hate to sound sexist, but it’s always the wives who are concerned about
their husband’s viewing habits, not the other way around. The following is a
letter I sent to a wife who felt that all she did was fight with her husband
over this issue. Here are three suggestions I gave her.
1. Commit to pray for your husband for 30 days.
During this time, don’t confront him over your concerns. He already knows
how you feel and every time you express yourself on this issue, he sees it
as nagging. Think about it, don’t you want to stop fighting with your
husband? Every time you say something about his viewing habits, he will get
defensive and start an argument because he sees you as judging him–which is
what you are doing (Romans 2:1). So stop it. When you stop judging his
viewing habits, be careful that you don’t try to make him feel guilty or
that your present a holier-than-thou attitude. Simply stop criticizing him.
After a few days, it will drive him nuts.
During this 30 days of prayer for your husband, ask God for patience,
wisdom, and understanding. Did you ever ask God for patience and wisdom?
They come through trials and tribulations like you are presently
experiencing. See James 1 and 1 Peter 1. Have you thanked God for this trial
and tribulation that He gave you so you can develop patience and wisdom? As
you pray, keep asking God for the opportunity to share your concerns with
your husband. Remember, you don’t share your concerns until you have prayed
for 30 days and only share when God gives you the opening and opportunity.
2. During your 30 days of prayer for your husband, study I Peter 3:1-6.
This passage says in part, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your
husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won
over without words but by the behavior of their wives, when they see the
purity and reverence of your lives.” God is asking you to show the love of
Jesus to your husband without words. It can be done. Ask the Lord to show
you how you can incorporate these verses into your life and marriage. You
tried nagging and fighting with your husband and nothing has changed. Why
not try Scripture? I know that verse seven is for husbands, but your husband
will never read “his” verse until he sees you living out yours. Remember
during this time, you are interacting with your husband in a loving manner
without confronting him about his television and video viewing.
3. When your husband asks you to watch programs and movies that you find
offensive, lovingly decline and offer to do something else with him.
Explain that the movie doesn’t appeal to you and that you would love to
spend time with him doing something else. You can suggest something or ask
him to suggest something. When you have said no to him in the past, he
probably felt that you didn’t want to spend time with him. Make sure that he
understands that you want to spend time with him, but not watching videos
that are against your values. Again, be careful how you say this. Your goal
is to let him see the love of Jesus in your life, not a haughty spirit.
I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear, but it’s biblical. I
believe that if you follow the above three steps in a loving manner, you
will begin to see a change in your husband, not just in his television
viewing, but in all areas of his life. What do you have to lose? Thirty
Don’t Add to God’s Word
Advice to Allison
God Doesn’t Ask us to be Successful
Winning the Spiritual War
I Will Never Watch West Wing Again
Videos and Violence
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